


A Curious Incident

by songlin



Series: I Prefer to Text [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Dog(s), Gen, Humor, M/M, Pets, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-17
Updated: 2012-07-17
Packaged: 2017-11-10 04:49:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/462366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songlin/pseuds/songlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sherlock has to see a man about a dog.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Curious Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Cin for betaing and to my dog Holly for modeling. The newborn puppies, however, are not mine. I lacked a litter of cocker spaniel puppies to photograph. If you can determine what breed of dog _is_ pictured, I will possibly be very impressed.

How late are you working tonight? _SH_

I get off at four. Why? _John_

No reason. _SH_

For the record, I’m suspicious. _John_

I’m impressed. _SH_

...I’ll worry about it later. _John_

\---

You haven’t any allergies. _SH_

That was a statement, not a question. _John_

Yes. _SH_

? _John_

Reminder. _SH_

Suspicious is no longer adequate to describe what I’m feeling right about now. _John_

Congratulations. You’ve developed considerable deductive powers of your own. _SH_

\---

Which of these cleaning fluids are carpet-safe? _SH_

Never mind. _SH_

\---

Is the rug in your bedroom dry clean only? _SH_

Never mind. _SH_

\---

Exactly how fond are you of those brown loafers? _SH_

They’re hideous anyways; I’ll buy you a nicer pair. _SH_

I dream of the days when “suspicious” was all I felt about this situation. _John_

\---

Will be out when you come home. Under no circumstances enter toilet. _SH_

You’re joking, right _John_

And if I need to take a piss, I should just do it out the window then. _John_

Should I call the hazmat team? _John_

Don’t be ridiculous. _SH_

\---

Have just left. _SH_

DO NOT ENTER TOILET. _SH_

\---

On my way home _John_

Mildly concerned for my life _John_

Or the sanctity of my home at least _John_

\---

There are noises coming from upstairs. _John_

Disregard. _SH_

Yeah, I don’t think I can do that. _John_

\---

Are you bloody serious Sherlock _John_

_Media message from JOHN: img0173.jpg_

I did tell you. SH

No. What you told me was not to go in. Unfortunately for you, the poor dog was howling up a fit. Where’s Mrs. Hudson? _John_

Her cousin’s in Sussex. _SH_

Which I’m sure you had nothing to do with. _John_

Our lease doesn’t allow pets. _SH_

Sherlock, if the camel spider didn’t drive her to evict us, I don’t think a cocker spaniel will. _John_

Oh God damn it Sherlock, that’s the dog from the lake. The one from this morning we found by the drowned woman. _John_

Very astute. It is, in fact, Jane Straker’s prize bitch. I staged the theft. _SH_

And when you say “staged,” what you actually mean is “committed.” _John_

Technicality. _SH_

I need to test something. If it wasn’t her son, this will tell us. _SH_

Right. In the meantime, I’m letting her out of the bathroom. _John_

DO NOT. _SH_

You stole a £400 dog. The least you can do is let her sleep somewhere comfortable. _John_

John. It is of the utmost importance that you keep that animal off the sofa. _SH_

_Media message from JOHN: img0174.jpg_

\---

Has she got a name? _John_

Blaze. _SH_

God that’s a stupid name. _John_

This from a man whose childhood pet was named “Poof.” _SH_

It was spelled Pouf, thank you very much. _John_

Sod off, Pouf was a fantastic dog. _John_

And Harry named her. _John_

\---

Won’t be back in until morning. Do NOT allow the dog to spend the night on the sofa. _SH_

Would you like to say good night to the puppy dog? _John_

Don’t be absurd. _SH_

\---

Is the animal in the bathroom? _SH_

John. _SH_

I am being entirely sincere when I tell you that if that dog is not in the bathroom you will deeply regret it. _SH_

Jesus Christ, yes, she’s in the bathroom. _John_

Lent her your towel though. _John_

\---

Jesus, you’d better get her back to her owners soon. She won’t stop whining for anything. _John_

Where are the earplugs? _John_

Bookcase, third shelf. _SH_

Thanks. For the record, we are never getting a dog. _John_

\---

Straker’s death was accidental. The only real “culprit” is Blaze. _SH_

Some people do not deserve to be trusted with living creatures. _SH_

\---

I refuse to believe you didn’t know about this. _John_

_Media message from JOHN: img0178.jpg_

Oh good, all six made it. Does the mother seem well? _SH_

I don’t actually know how energetic a dog should look after giving birth. _John_

Keep an eye on them until I can get there. _SH_

The bathroom smells like dog placenta. _John_

You are cleaning it up. _John_

\---

How serious were you? _SH_

About what? _John_

Never getting a dog. _SH_

\---

**The Personal Blog of Dr John H. Watson**

_17 October_

_The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Toilet_

For the record, if anyone cares to know, I am definitely a “dog person.” But no matter how much I like dogs, like any sane human being, I prefer a bit of a heads-up if you’re going to keep a live animal in my bathroom.

Full case write-up to come. Featured: a shady dog breeder and a dog who was rather a better mother than her owner. In the meantime, I’m off to go keep my newest flatmate from chewing up my favorite chair.


End file.
